The Solitude of the River
By Shirley Andrade
Artist: Connie Rose, The Brief Transparency of Truth
It is common sense to believe that decisions have the power to change lives, but I think life is more like a river than clay that someone can sculpt into a statue. While we can control some aspects of our existence, life has a mysterious sense which is elusive. Its course is often unpredictable, and rubble lies at the base of the riverbed, unseen by human beings. The life of the river is a vast and powerful water spirit; for me, this indicates that people have crossed it before us, and that the water will continue on its way.
The mystery of my life has been to understand why I am alive, what is the purpose of my professional career, what is the way I can love and be loved, and other deep questions for which I still do not have answers. Currently, a different concern occupies me: I wonder if becoming an immigrant is worthwhile. In any scenario, migration involves grief. One grieves for their culture, language, family, friends, and profession. Sometimes the loss takes on more gravity than the new experiences. Being an immigrant as an adult, neither young nor elderly, as a woman, and as a person who does not speak the language of this country fluently, has made me feel sad, humiliated, and alone.
I interpret this moment of my life as a dramatic change of the river’s direction, the river of my life. In this new curvature, there is a cloudy sky, a lot of sand, and not a single goldfish or snail in sight. Nonetheless, I have experienced a potent sensation of independence, courage, and hope. I have faith in existence because for the first time, I have to believe that life is wiser than I am. In fact, I have discovered beautiful things throughout my experience of immigration that I was not aware of before. For example, I am delighted by the play of the leaves in the trees, the sound of the wind before the storm, and the friends who still write to me even though we live thousands of miles away from each other.
I have met people who think that life is a set of good or bad choices. Although I respect that opinion, I like to think about my path in another way. Perhaps this allows me to embrace the splendor of simple things, or maybe it is the way I prefer to tell myself that my life is unique and meaningful. If life is a river, and water is its spirit. I am just a wave. That means that sometimes I am brilliant, elegant, strong and versatile, and other days I am dark, calm, quiet and weak. In both cases I am still water, and life is still magnificent.
Shirley Andrade is an immigrant woman from Quito, Ecuador, a writer, and an English as a second language student. She has written short stories since 2010. Two of her micro stories were published in the book MicroQuito 1 for the First Micro Story Contest of the City of Quito, Ecuador. In 2018, Shirley published the poem “Solicitándonos” as part of the Anthology of Poems Amor a Distancia (Editorial Liberoamérica). In 2020, her children’s short story “El abuelo que comía golosinas” was selected as the fifth winner of the competition Tell Me a Story. She is the author of the children’s book La búsqueda, illustrated by Nicoletta Bertelle (Oso Melero Editorial, 2022), and the short story “Huéspedes” in the science fiction journal Anapoyesis. She loves drinking coffee and dreaming of the mountains in her homeland.
Disclaimer: The opinions and views expressed in this blog post are those of the writer and do not reflect the opinions or views of Immigrantly.